Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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