i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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