What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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