take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
and she was petting her beer can
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
