Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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