my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
