dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
