i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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