I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
she looked like the before picture.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
