Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
