she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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