so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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