I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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