It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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