is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
