this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
