Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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