you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
