Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
