i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Also, beer. Big fan.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
