i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
