Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just gargled with NyQuil
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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