i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
