I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
