i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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