Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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