my mouth tastes like poor choices
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
