Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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