I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
