I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
