i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
