Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
