I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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