I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
