so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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