You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
