I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
