FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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