hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
