He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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