It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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