Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
