I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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