I puked a lego.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
