he told me I talked like a deaf person
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
