well I can't set my house on fire every night
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize