She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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