Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
