I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize