It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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