so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
