ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
