The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
