He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
