soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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