his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
