I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
