I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
