Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
