what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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