well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize