I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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