This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize