Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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