Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
