I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
