I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
