your thong is hanging out like whoa
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
